Birthday Wish

Today I am 38. I am not exactly where I had myself pictured but I cannot allow myself to get too dragged down by that. I can only look forward keeping the past only as a reminder to not go back. I am excited about the year ahead. I want to see real changes in my life. I feel optimistic and ready to tackle the upcoming challenges.

I can and will do this.

Workouts and Goals

I was quite excited yesterday that I could use my xbox/netflix streaming to get workout videos! I tried my hand at a dance workout and it did not take me very long to learn something. I am not a dancer! I have no grace and little flexibility in movements but I tried and did the best that I could. I have also ordered some dvds from Netflix and a few from the library. It will give me a variety and hopefully keep me interested in the workouts. I actually found myself to be itching to get up and keep moving.
Today I was thinking about my goals. I have a round number in my head that I would like to be but it really isn't about the numbers. It is more the way I want to feel.I hate trying on clothes. I hate buying clothes. Heck. I hate wearing clothes most of the time. I want that to change. I want to be able to feel good when I go try on clothes. I want to feel like when I enter a room that my size does not dominate the space. I try to keep a mental picture of my goals. To see the prize. One of these days it will be reality.

Chanting My Way to a New Me!

If you look at the wall beside my bed, the wall in my bathroom and on my fridge you will see a simple piece of paper with very simple words. These words have become my mantra, my motto, my daily pep talk and my self motivating chant. They simply say
"Are you going to be 40 AND FAT
or are you going to be
40 and FIT?"
When I feel the desire to not get up and walk or go do the Wii Fit or to go to the pool for water aerobics I ask myself this question. It usually does the trick.
This Sunday I will be 38. I have given myself two years to be fit. Not 2 years to lose the weight. I plan to be there well before then but 2 years for this to be my new way of life. Hitting the BIG 4-0 will be tough enough, I don't want to be there and still be like I am today. I also realize that after that 40 mark it gets even harder. So I have to make decisions today that will make that milestone happen.
Losing weight isn't just about being in a smaller dress it is about health.
I can feel my blood sugar is out of whack. I knew I was borderline diabetic and that I was in the extreme high risk group of getting diabetes (family history, gestational diabetes twice and a history of blood sugar problems) yet I put the thought on the back burner and had the attitude that if I pretended it wasn't there it wouldn't be. I remember watching my Granny and my Aunt Estee give themselves insulin shots daily. I saw my Granny's leg that had a sore that never healed. I don't ever remember her not having that bandage on her leg. Yet, somehow, I felt that it was still not something I needed to worry about. I am actually afraid to get screened right now because I am almost positive what the outcome would be.
Then there is the high blood pressure aspect. I have a strong family history of high blood pressure and strokes. I have been fortunate that I have escaped the high blood pressure in my life but really, how long will that hold out? There is only so long I can stand in the middle of a freeway and not get plowed by a bus!
Every day I have to be aware of my choices and how it will affect my tomorrow. It is a lot of pressure. Some days, I come out on top and some days I just fail but I keep on going. With the help of my friends and family, I will get there!

Back again!

Wow! I didn't realize that so much time has past since my last post. I have had a rough few weeks. I was down for over a month with m y back then depression set in and I lost my bearings. One thing about me though, is I won't stay down for long! So here I am back at it again. It is frustrating, however. It feels like I have been fighting with my weight for most of my life. When I was younger I fought with image issues and now it is weight and image issues. It is tiring. Sometimes I think I would be better off just having surgery but I don't really want to go that route. One, I cannot afford that and two my fear is that I will end up back where started if I don't work my way there. At what point though do I say that this obviously isn't working? I don't know. I just know that I refuse to give up.
I started working out on mom's Wii and swimming when I can get in the pool. It is just about to hot for walking outside so that limits what I can do. Sometimes I wish I was a happy morning person that could get up and just go walk at the crack of dawn or that it was safe to walk late at night when I have the urge to do so. Ahhh, so much wishing. I wonder if there are enough stars in the sky for all that.
Anyhow, I wanted all my friends to know that I am still working at it and to ask you not to give up on me yet.

Thanks to you all!