The New Start:Take 474842947

It seems that I have fallen off the planet again. Well, not really but I got lazy. I let excuses get in the way of progress and I was too ashamed to blog. I didn't want people to know that I was not doing well although, I know I wasn't fooling anyone. Let's face it. People can see that I was not losing weight. I just got discouraged. Again. It is a long hard road. I miss the days when I was thinner and losing weight was not so hard. There things about getting old that just really suck. This is one of them. With all that said, this has been a new week! I have been walking again and drinking my water. I am happy to say that although I have been lazy these last few months that I have not gained the weight back so at least it isn't like starting completely over. The cooler weather helps. I can get out and walk. I have been walking twice a day. My morning walk being the more intense walk and the evening the more relaxed walk. I also got a step board so that I can do that while I watch tv. I am trying not to think of how much I need to lose total but think about smaller goals. My current goal is to get 20 pounds off and then go from there. The big picture is still in my mind but can get overwhelming is I focus only on that for too long. One day at a time. One way or another. I will get there.

I am so grateful for the friends and family that are so supportive. I could not do this without them!

Birthday Wish

Today I am 38. I am not exactly where I had myself pictured but I cannot allow myself to get too dragged down by that. I can only look forward keeping the past only as a reminder to not go back. I am excited about the year ahead. I want to see real changes in my life. I feel optimistic and ready to tackle the upcoming challenges.

I can and will do this.

Workouts and Goals

I was quite excited yesterday that I could use my xbox/netflix streaming to get workout videos! I tried my hand at a dance workout and it did not take me very long to learn something. I am not a dancer! I have no grace and little flexibility in movements but I tried and did the best that I could. I have also ordered some dvds from Netflix and a few from the library. It will give me a variety and hopefully keep me interested in the workouts. I actually found myself to be itching to get up and keep moving.
Today I was thinking about my goals. I have a round number in my head that I would like to be but it really isn't about the numbers. It is more the way I want to feel.I hate trying on clothes. I hate buying clothes. Heck. I hate wearing clothes most of the time. I want that to change. I want to be able to feel good when I go try on clothes. I want to feel like when I enter a room that my size does not dominate the space. I try to keep a mental picture of my goals. To see the prize. One of these days it will be reality.

Chanting My Way to a New Me!

If you look at the wall beside my bed, the wall in my bathroom and on my fridge you will see a simple piece of paper with very simple words. These words have become my mantra, my motto, my daily pep talk and my self motivating chant. They simply say
"Are you going to be 40 AND FAT
or are you going to be
40 and FIT?"
When I feel the desire to not get up and walk or go do the Wii Fit or to go to the pool for water aerobics I ask myself this question. It usually does the trick.
This Sunday I will be 38. I have given myself two years to be fit. Not 2 years to lose the weight. I plan to be there well before then but 2 years for this to be my new way of life. Hitting the BIG 4-0 will be tough enough, I don't want to be there and still be like I am today. I also realize that after that 40 mark it gets even harder. So I have to make decisions today that will make that milestone happen.
Losing weight isn't just about being in a smaller dress it is about health.
I can feel my blood sugar is out of whack. I knew I was borderline diabetic and that I was in the extreme high risk group of getting diabetes (family history, gestational diabetes twice and a history of blood sugar problems) yet I put the thought on the back burner and had the attitude that if I pretended it wasn't there it wouldn't be. I remember watching my Granny and my Aunt Estee give themselves insulin shots daily. I saw my Granny's leg that had a sore that never healed. I don't ever remember her not having that bandage on her leg. Yet, somehow, I felt that it was still not something I needed to worry about. I am actually afraid to get screened right now because I am almost positive what the outcome would be.
Then there is the high blood pressure aspect. I have a strong family history of high blood pressure and strokes. I have been fortunate that I have escaped the high blood pressure in my life but really, how long will that hold out? There is only so long I can stand in the middle of a freeway and not get plowed by a bus!
Every day I have to be aware of my choices and how it will affect my tomorrow. It is a lot of pressure. Some days, I come out on top and some days I just fail but I keep on going. With the help of my friends and family, I will get there!

Back again!

Wow! I didn't realize that so much time has past since my last post. I have had a rough few weeks. I was down for over a month with m y back then depression set in and I lost my bearings. One thing about me though, is I won't stay down for long! So here I am back at it again. It is frustrating, however. It feels like I have been fighting with my weight for most of my life. When I was younger I fought with image issues and now it is weight and image issues. It is tiring. Sometimes I think I would be better off just having surgery but I don't really want to go that route. One, I cannot afford that and two my fear is that I will end up back where started if I don't work my way there. At what point though do I say that this obviously isn't working? I don't know. I just know that I refuse to give up.
I started working out on mom's Wii and swimming when I can get in the pool. It is just about to hot for walking outside so that limits what I can do. Sometimes I wish I was a happy morning person that could get up and just go walk at the crack of dawn or that it was safe to walk late at night when I have the urge to do so. Ahhh, so much wishing. I wonder if there are enough stars in the sky for all that.
Anyhow, I wanted all my friends to know that I am still working at it and to ask you not to give up on me yet.

Thanks to you all!

Being Plump IS NOT Pleasant!

I am not "pleasantly plump". There is nothing pleasant about this.
I am not "curvy". Curves would hint to having a shape other than round.
I am not "more to love". I am fat.
The government says that I am obese. A word I really do not like to hear in the same sentence as my name but it is out there for all the world to see. I cannot hide it but I can change it but to change I need to know where it started.

I find it funny the things we tell ourselves about gaining weight. We say "it is the freshman 10-15" when we start college. It is "the first year married 10-15"when we get married. It is "the extra baby weight"after the baby is born and it all adds up and one day you find yourself in the Fat Lady Store hoping to God to find something for Easter that doesn't resemble a tie-dyed tent. It didn't happen all at once but one pound by one evil pound. But the truth is (no matter what anyone tells you) it was a lot easier to put it on than to take it off. I have found my body to be much more agreeable to sitting on the couch and eating whatever crosses its lips than to working hard and eating right. My body needs to be whipped in to behaving. It wants to go on its own and do its own thing but I am forcing it do the contrary.

I walk every day. I try to eat right. I try to make healthier life long sustainable choices and what does my body do? It rebels. It refuses to give me any sign that my hard work is paying off. It refuses to shed even one measly pound to give me a shred of hope that my efforts are not in vain. Compliance is an issue here and I am serving notice that it is no longer acceptable. Now to get my physical state and my mental state on the same page.

Weight loss isn't just about a change in body but a change in mind. A change in behavior. I have to change the way I see myself. The way I see food and the way I see exercise. It is a lot to do and it can be overwhelming. Today, I am overwhelmed. Tomorrow, I will clear the slate and face another day. As I continue, one thing will catch up with the other. The fat lady hasn't sung yet and when she does it WONT BE ME!

E-Mealz update

Well, I have been using e-mealz.com for one full week and just bought the groceries for my next week. I thought I would update everyone one what I have thought so far. To be honest, I am not sure I am saving bundles on my grocery bill in terms of dollars spent. By the time I factor in breakfast items/ lunch items/ general household items and pet items I am spending roughly the same each week. HOWEVER, I am saving money. What I buy- gets used. Too many times I bought groceries with the intent of cooking some particular meal that never happened. Mainly because I would forger to take out the necessary frozen meat to defrost in time. So I am saving money there. I would often buy things and they would perish before I could get around to cooking with them. So I am saving money there. Plus because my week is planned I don't end up going out for fast food. So I am saving money there. In the last week, we had food outside the home once and that was for Chic-fil-A's grand opening by our house. So all in all, I am liking this!

As far as the meals. So far every meal has been a success. Some we even saved to do for lunches in the coming weeks. I didn't do a low fat plan or anything. I am just trying the regular meal plan. I still think that will be a good plan for us since the meals are balanced and fairly portion controlled. I may later go to the low fat plan but not at the moment. The meals are good and quick and easy.

Well, that is enough for my commercial but food is such an important aspect of losing weight that I would be negligent to not mention this find.