Learning from Grandma Pt.1

My grandmother's recent ill health has really been an eye opener for me in a few ways. The two strongest ways has been 1.health and 2. weight. The health issue is bothersome to me so it is what I will focus on today.
I see her failing health and hear news from the doctor that just keeps getting more and more discouraging. The problem is that a lot of these things are directly attributed to a lifetime of bad eating and lack of exercise.
Grandma has never been one to drink water. She usually drinks Dr. Pepper and even then only at meals. I remember as a kid asking for a drink only to hear, "dinner will be ready soon wait till then". Her generation thought drinking was only for meal times not an every day part of life and water wasn't the drink of choice as soda waters became more popular. Even when not drinking Dr. Pepper she drank very sweet tea. Now, her kidneys are failing. Would they have failed despite these things? Possibly. But drinking water would have given her kidneys a better shot. Her doctor feels that her kidney (stage 4 kidney failure) is tied to her being weak and possibly her being severely anemic. Weakness contributed to her fall.
Grandma also didn't eat a lot of dairy products other than ice cream. I don't recall her having a glass of milk. She did go through a time where she did eat cereal in the evenings more often but other than that she wasn't getting a lot of milk in her diet. She had a bad experience with yogurt nearly 50 years ago and to this day she isn't going to touch it. Now, her bones are frail. One doctor thinks her pelvis broke before she fell. They say her vitamin D is pathetically low. This made her bones break easier.
Grandmas also didn't eat a lot of healthy vegetables. This lack of vitamins contributed to a lack of strength as well.
Would these illnesses be with her now had she eaten right all her life? Who knows? I do know that a lifetime of not eating right has compounded these issues and has left her in a position where getting better is difficult and my prove to me impossible. Yes, I know she is nearly 80. She would most likely have some of these problems regardless but would they have been more manageable? These are things that have me reflecting on my choices.
Please, do not misunderstand me, I am not blaming my grandmother for her condition. A lot of these things people didn't know back then and this is more a chance for me to look at what I am doing to my health and to my body. If I was to become seriously ill or incapacitated by illness or accident, could I recover? Have I given my body the tools it needs to work properly? Am I doing what I can to ensure that I am healthy? There is a growing trend towards smoking being an unhealthy habit but what about bad food choices? I would in no way condone an outlaw of Twinkies any more than I would cigarettes and alchohol but I do think that I need to think about the foods I am eating and the reasons I am eating.
These are all things I hope to learn as I continue on the Journey to Finding ME!

Staying on track and feeling good.

What's for breakfast? Well, glad you asked. This plate was only 2 points on the new Points Plus plan and I was satisfied and full. 1/2 c of egg beaters with chopped bell pepper over a cup of fresh spinach that I sauteed, topped with salsa. 1 Weight Watchers cheese wedge. 1/2 banana and 1/2 c strawberries.
I came in from my walk and cooked this. I gotta say I love that cheap old omelette maker that I got a few years back. I think the omelette are cute and fun to make.

WW Day 1

Today I joined Weight Watchers. Not having a sense of accountability it killing me. I am my own worse enemy! Mark also joined with me so having a buddy will be nice. So far today was great. I will post more as it goes.

The New Start:Take 58235412340

I have looked at my weight loss progress for 2010 and all I can say positive about is that I did not gain weight. Well, I did lose 8 pounds but no where near where I really wanted to be.

But, I gotta get up and dust myself off. It is a new beginning and I can set the course. For the last 3 days I have been doing the step ups with my step board. I have been alternating free arms swing and using 5 lb weights in each hand. I also got a Kinect Sensor for our xbox along with the Biggest Loser workout and the adventure game and I have been doing both of those as well. I really had no idea the step ups would work so much of my body but I am feeling it and it feels good in a I am doing something productive kind of way.

Currently I have a short term goal in mind and I am only working on that instead of the whopping amount that I need to lose total. The first goal is to loose 12 pounds which will bring my so far total to 20. Once I get there I will set another short term goal. I would like to be able to set that goal on March 1st. Then keep setting goals and hopefully knocking them out bit by bit! One day and one pound at a time!

Today is a gold star day!

Today has been a pretty good day so far. I walked 2.35 miles this morning with an average speed of 3.1 mph. I plan to repeat that this evening. I have also been doing step ups 5 min at a time. I also started to log my food today. So, all in all, I am being a good girl :) It is a start and a good one.

Today I discovered Chic-fil-a has a great salad option for me. I did the garden salad with grilled chicken and lite Italian dressing. I left off the crouton but did add the sunflower kernels for some texture. I had this and the small chicken noodle soup. So I am full and happy.

I got the Extra Dessert Delights Mint Chocolate Chip gum and it is pretty darn good! Keeping me from mindless munching.

I feel pretty good about the steps I am making. Every little bit is one step closer to the goal!

The New Start:Take 474842947

It seems that I have fallen off the planet again. Well, not really but I got lazy. I let excuses get in the way of progress and I was too ashamed to blog. I didn't want people to know that I was not doing well although, I know I wasn't fooling anyone. Let's face it. People can see that I was not losing weight. I just got discouraged. Again. It is a long hard road. I miss the days when I was thinner and losing weight was not so hard. There things about getting old that just really suck. This is one of them. With all that said, this has been a new week! I have been walking again and drinking my water. I am happy to say that although I have been lazy these last few months that I have not gained the weight back so at least it isn't like starting completely over. The cooler weather helps. I can get out and walk. I have been walking twice a day. My morning walk being the more intense walk and the evening the more relaxed walk. I also got a step board so that I can do that while I watch tv. I am trying not to think of how much I need to lose total but think about smaller goals. My current goal is to get 20 pounds off and then go from there. The big picture is still in my mind but can get overwhelming is I focus only on that for too long. One day at a time. One way or another. I will get there.

I am so grateful for the friends and family that are so supportive. I could not do this without them!

Birthday Wish

Today I am 38. I am not exactly where I had myself pictured but I cannot allow myself to get too dragged down by that. I can only look forward keeping the past only as a reminder to not go back. I am excited about the year ahead. I want to see real changes in my life. I feel optimistic and ready to tackle the upcoming challenges.

I can and will do this.

Workouts and Goals

I was quite excited yesterday that I could use my xbox/netflix streaming to get workout videos! I tried my hand at a dance workout and it did not take me very long to learn something. I am not a dancer! I have no grace and little flexibility in movements but I tried and did the best that I could. I have also ordered some dvds from Netflix and a few from the library. It will give me a variety and hopefully keep me interested in the workouts. I actually found myself to be itching to get up and keep moving.
Today I was thinking about my goals. I have a round number in my head that I would like to be but it really isn't about the numbers. It is more the way I want to feel.I hate trying on clothes. I hate buying clothes. Heck. I hate wearing clothes most of the time. I want that to change. I want to be able to feel good when I go try on clothes. I want to feel like when I enter a room that my size does not dominate the space. I try to keep a mental picture of my goals. To see the prize. One of these days it will be reality.

Chanting My Way to a New Me!

If you look at the wall beside my bed, the wall in my bathroom and on my fridge you will see a simple piece of paper with very simple words. These words have become my mantra, my motto, my daily pep talk and my self motivating chant. They simply say
"Are you going to be 40 AND FAT
or are you going to be
40 and FIT?"
When I feel the desire to not get up and walk or go do the Wii Fit or to go to the pool for water aerobics I ask myself this question. It usually does the trick.
This Sunday I will be 38. I have given myself two years to be fit. Not 2 years to lose the weight. I plan to be there well before then but 2 years for this to be my new way of life. Hitting the BIG 4-0 will be tough enough, I don't want to be there and still be like I am today. I also realize that after that 40 mark it gets even harder. So I have to make decisions today that will make that milestone happen.
Losing weight isn't just about being in a smaller dress it is about health.
I can feel my blood sugar is out of whack. I knew I was borderline diabetic and that I was in the extreme high risk group of getting diabetes (family history, gestational diabetes twice and a history of blood sugar problems) yet I put the thought on the back burner and had the attitude that if I pretended it wasn't there it wouldn't be. I remember watching my Granny and my Aunt Estee give themselves insulin shots daily. I saw my Granny's leg that had a sore that never healed. I don't ever remember her not having that bandage on her leg. Yet, somehow, I felt that it was still not something I needed to worry about. I am actually afraid to get screened right now because I am almost positive what the outcome would be.
Then there is the high blood pressure aspect. I have a strong family history of high blood pressure and strokes. I have been fortunate that I have escaped the high blood pressure in my life but really, how long will that hold out? There is only so long I can stand in the middle of a freeway and not get plowed by a bus!
Every day I have to be aware of my choices and how it will affect my tomorrow. It is a lot of pressure. Some days, I come out on top and some days I just fail but I keep on going. With the help of my friends and family, I will get there!

Back again!

Wow! I didn't realize that so much time has past since my last post. I have had a rough few weeks. I was down for over a month with m y back then depression set in and I lost my bearings. One thing about me though, is I won't stay down for long! So here I am back at it again. It is frustrating, however. It feels like I have been fighting with my weight for most of my life. When I was younger I fought with image issues and now it is weight and image issues. It is tiring. Sometimes I think I would be better off just having surgery but I don't really want to go that route. One, I cannot afford that and two my fear is that I will end up back where started if I don't work my way there. At what point though do I say that this obviously isn't working? I don't know. I just know that I refuse to give up.
I started working out on mom's Wii and swimming when I can get in the pool. It is just about to hot for walking outside so that limits what I can do. Sometimes I wish I was a happy morning person that could get up and just go walk at the crack of dawn or that it was safe to walk late at night when I have the urge to do so. Ahhh, so much wishing. I wonder if there are enough stars in the sky for all that.
Anyhow, I wanted all my friends to know that I am still working at it and to ask you not to give up on me yet.

Thanks to you all!

Being Plump IS NOT Pleasant!

I am not "pleasantly plump". There is nothing pleasant about this.
I am not "curvy". Curves would hint to having a shape other than round.
I am not "more to love". I am fat.
The government says that I am obese. A word I really do not like to hear in the same sentence as my name but it is out there for all the world to see. I cannot hide it but I can change it but to change I need to know where it started.

I find it funny the things we tell ourselves about gaining weight. We say "it is the freshman 10-15" when we start college. It is "the first year married 10-15"when we get married. It is "the extra baby weight"after the baby is born and it all adds up and one day you find yourself in the Fat Lady Store hoping to God to find something for Easter that doesn't resemble a tie-dyed tent. It didn't happen all at once but one pound by one evil pound. But the truth is (no matter what anyone tells you) it was a lot easier to put it on than to take it off. I have found my body to be much more agreeable to sitting on the couch and eating whatever crosses its lips than to working hard and eating right. My body needs to be whipped in to behaving. It wants to go on its own and do its own thing but I am forcing it do the contrary.

I walk every day. I try to eat right. I try to make healthier life long sustainable choices and what does my body do? It rebels. It refuses to give me any sign that my hard work is paying off. It refuses to shed even one measly pound to give me a shred of hope that my efforts are not in vain. Compliance is an issue here and I am serving notice that it is no longer acceptable. Now to get my physical state and my mental state on the same page.

Weight loss isn't just about a change in body but a change in mind. A change in behavior. I have to change the way I see myself. The way I see food and the way I see exercise. It is a lot to do and it can be overwhelming. Today, I am overwhelmed. Tomorrow, I will clear the slate and face another day. As I continue, one thing will catch up with the other. The fat lady hasn't sung yet and when she does it WONT BE ME!

E-Mealz update

Well, I have been using e-mealz.com for one full week and just bought the groceries for my next week. I thought I would update everyone one what I have thought so far. To be honest, I am not sure I am saving bundles on my grocery bill in terms of dollars spent. By the time I factor in breakfast items/ lunch items/ general household items and pet items I am spending roughly the same each week. HOWEVER, I am saving money. What I buy- gets used. Too many times I bought groceries with the intent of cooking some particular meal that never happened. Mainly because I would forger to take out the necessary frozen meat to defrost in time. So I am saving money there. I would often buy things and they would perish before I could get around to cooking with them. So I am saving money there. Plus because my week is planned I don't end up going out for fast food. So I am saving money there. In the last week, we had food outside the home once and that was for Chic-fil-A's grand opening by our house. So all in all, I am liking this!

As far as the meals. So far every meal has been a success. Some we even saved to do for lunches in the coming weeks. I didn't do a low fat plan or anything. I am just trying the regular meal plan. I still think that will be a good plan for us since the meals are balanced and fairly portion controlled. I may later go to the low fat plan but not at the moment. The meals are good and quick and easy.

Well, that is enough for my commercial but food is such an important aspect of losing weight that I would be negligent to not mention this find.

Water

I am still having problems with getting in my water. Really there is no excuse for this. I have a nifty water water bottle and when it is filled I DRINK IT! It is getting myself to step away from the diet Dr. pepper and filling up the water bottle that seems to get missed.

I did find some awesome water tricks though. I have tried most of these and I have to say for those that just do not like plain water this works!

First, start with COLD, purified water. Britta water filter is my best friend. Then add any of these combos. DRINK! I have to have ice in my water. It is a mental thing but it has to be there.

Slice lemon and a sprig of thyme
Slice lemon and a sprig of rosemary
Slice cucumber and bruised mint leaves
Slice orange and slice lime
Slice lime and bruised mint leaves
2 sliced strawberries and bruised mint leaves
Slice grapefruit and bruised /crushed lemongrass
Slice grapefruit and 1 sprig rosemary

The only one I have not tried is the lemongrass combo since I have found any lately.
I am going to make sure the water bottle is full and take it with me when I walk today.

Walking Through the Pain

Today is not a good day. My emotions are all over the place. I am so stressed about finances and taxes and just life in general. I know this affects my weight and I am trying to not let it get to me. I have not been letting myself do the same emotional eating that has gotten me in trouble in the past. I also walked. I even walked further than I normally do. I walked 2.31 miles. So I am working hard to not let the emotions of the day hinder my weight loss. It isn't easy though that is for sure.
Britt made me a playlist on my iPod of some good walking music and that did help. It helped my walk and it helped to clear my mind. I am still on target for walking 3 miles by the end of the month. I wont give up!

I do hope things get better though. I really could use some good news in my life.

Good Day

I have been doing good today with food. I think having e-mealz is really going to help. Just having a plan is helping me. I just need to work on the water. I was doing so good with get my water in but I got lazy. Each day that I get better at even one thing is a step in the right direction.

I went for my walk yesterday and I plan to walk in a few minutes. The weather is nice. I just take my ipod and get lost in my own head for a little while and it is nice. I plan to increase the distance this week. I would like to get up to 3 miles at a time by the end of April. One step at a time and I will be there.

Lovin the Sun

I made up for not walking this week in one day. I am sure it doesnt really work that way but I at least walked. We went to Kemah and Britt and I walked all over that place. I have the sunburn and leg pains to prove it. After this winter though it was worth it! I have come to terms with not getting in to the size I want by summer but Christmas is a very attainable goal. I must keep at it.

Just thinking.

My thought for the day: Here's to the future because I am done with the past! This is my current wallpaper on my iPod. It is my motivation for the week. Which of course has me thinking. Changing eating habits is a lot like trying to quit smoking or drugs. In fact, in some ways it is harder since food is still needed. It isn't just a matter of stopping. You still have to eat. It is changing your whole perception on food. And like quitting drugs or alcohol it is tough. You need a support system. You need a plan. You need to be prepared to fail and get back up.

This week my plan was to use my new menu and grocery list from e-mealz. I bought groceries this evening and am looking forward to staying on track this week. I plan to get back to walking and aside from any crazy weather, I have a week with no distractions from that goal.

I want to see the glass as half full instead of my normal half empty. Some people can just do this weight loss thing like it nothing more difficult than changing the channel on the tv. For me, it is hard work. I guess I need to change the channel in my head from the I can't to the I can channel. I do wish I had a bit more of a support group. That was the plus side to going to weight watchers. I could believe that all those people there were my support system. Power in numbers and all.

All over the place

I am finding the real world to be a bit of a problem. The fact is that in a perfect world I would be skinny. I would have time to do what I need to get done. I would have my pantry full of things I should have and they would all taste wonderful. However, I do not live in a perfect world. I am having another rough week. 2 of my days will be spent at the VA hospital taking care of my parents. Yesterday I left my house before 7 and didn't get home till almost 6. I then had to go to the store to get stuff to make dinner. I was exhausted. I did not walk. Tomorrow will be more of the same. I am hoping to get my walk in today but the sky seems to be looming over me just daring me to step outside so that it can dump a sea of rain upon my head. I am a person of habit. My routine is important to me and when things throw it off, I am unsettled. Yet, a sane and normal person would look at my life and see nothing but chaos. Trust me, there is a pattern to my chaos and I need it to be that. If only things would go as I want them to all the time. Not like that would ever happen but i could wish for it. I know I could go to my mom's and use the Wii but I feel so exposed. I am tense. I need things to be on my terms in my yard so to be speak. All of these things make this journey a wee bit harder. I am of course trying to change these things but one thing at a time.

2 month update

I have been on this journey now 2 months. So far I have lost right at 12 pounds. It isn't exactly where I wanted to be but it is heading in the right direction. I am happy that I am making some progress. I just need to keep the momentum alive!

I have noticed that I do better with a weekly menu. When left to wing it, I make wrong choices. With that said, as soon as have the money in the bank (it is on the way) I am going to sign up for e-mealz.com. Meredith told me about it and I am actually quite excited. It gives you dinner plans for the week with a grocery list and the savings. It looks really easy and I think it is something that will help a lot. It should help my wallet and my waistline at the same time and that is a really cool thing and it is only $5 a month!

This week I will be walking in the afternoons instead of the mornings. I have got to take my dad to the VA twice this week and that will make it difficult to walk in the morning but thats O.K. I enjoy the warm air and the sun of the afternoon. I wish I could run a bit but while my brain wants to run my body is quite disagreeable to the idea. Hopefully, as the weight comes off, that will change.

Today's question is "Will I be defeated or will I defeat this?"
Someone pointed out that I sounded defeated in my last post. To be honest, I felt it. I knew this would be a journey. I knew there would be up and downs. I just feel like right now there are more downs than ups. I don't want to be defeated. I want to be the victor.
I was flipping through the channels yesterday and some whack job infomercial guy caught my attention. Well, more like something he said. He basically said that eating is very much the same as balancing a check book. When you overeat you bankrupt your body and your mind. This for some reason really struck me. The cycle of overeating/bad food choices plus lack of activity has left me physically and mentally bankrupt. I have cheated myself of opportunities. I have chiseled away at my self-esteem and self-worth. I am working to breaking this cycle.

Today I am not defeated! Everyday is a new day to defeat this mess I have created. One day at time. One day I will look back on these moments and know that it was because of these times that I made it.